Sunday, November 8, 2015

Starbucks Has Committed Blasphemy With Its Red Cup!

Starbucks' usual festive Christmas coffee cup brewed up major DRAMZ this week when some Christians became enraged that this season's cup was boring old plain red, instead of bearing the customary symbols of the Holiest Day on Earth:  snowflakes, snowmen, and dogs on sleds. 

Here's what the U.K.-based organization Christian Concern said:

This is a denial of historical reality and the great Christian heritage behind the American Dream that has so benefitted Starbucks. This also denies the hope of Jesus Christ and His story so powerfully at this time of year.
SO TRUE!

Every biblical scholar worth his parchment knows that Starbucks played a prominent role in the Nativity of Jesus. 


Before Jesus was born, an angel appeared to Joseph and said that Mary, his betrothed, was about to bear the Son of God. But he quickly added that really the MOST important thing was that God would one day create a multinational coffee chain with franchises on every corner of the planet, and that a properly reverent color and design of Starbucks cups during the month of December would be the only acceptable homage to the birth of His Lord and Savior.

Then, when Jesus was born, Mary was super tired and Joseph promptly brought her a grande half-caf pumpkin spiced latte so she could get some stuff done around the barn and still be alert enough to nurse and enjoy some quality bonding time with Baby Jesus. 

Also, according to some accounts, on the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, Jesus and Mary pulled up to a drive-through Starbucks to grab a few mochas for the road. It's well known too that the manger was equipped with complimentary Wifi courtesy of the Seattle-based coffee company. And in FACT, archaeologists digging in what is now modern-day Israel have discovered evidence of the Starbucks logo emblazoned on the front of the manger. They have also found early carvings of Frosty the Snowman and snowflakes.

So I couldn't agree more with Christian Concern that the Starbucks red cup controversy amounts to a "denial of historical reality" and "the hope of Jesus Christ."

Come on Starbucks! Get with the program.

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