Thursday, October 15, 2015

Viagra/Cialis is the New National Pastime

An attentive friend and reader recently bemoaned to me the experience of watching televised major league baseball playoffs with her grade-school sons. 

Her boys play Little League and they love baseball, like so many boys from so many generations before them. Baseball, after all, is our country's national pastime. It's as American as apple pie, peanuts and Cracker Jack. It's all about good clean family fun and other Norman Rockwell shit like that.

But you know what Norman Rockwell never put into a painting? An erection lasting more than four hours. See, today's baseball-watching experience is also very much about maintaining an erection with the aid of Viagra or Cialis.

A hot cheerleader in a football jersey casually tosses a football around and uses her best sultry bedroom voice to coo to an audience of men who can't get their junk to stand at attention. She lets them know it's all good, because the only thing standing between them and a big fat chubber is a little blue pill courtesy of Pfizer! Ask your doctor or pharmacist today!

Why should a mother have to explain to her seven year-old son why every half-inning brings a different commercial for boner meds, and whether "an erection lasting more than four hours" is a good or a bad thing? Pretty soon they'll be re-writing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame":

Take me out to the doctor
Take me out for blue pills
Buy me Viagra and make it quick
I simply can't do without a hard dick
'Cause it's root, root, root for a boner
If I don't score it's a shame
For it's one, two, three strokes you're out
In the old-man game!

God bless America, boners, and Big Pharma!

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