Friday, October 23, 2015

So Awesome! The Governor of Maine Doesn't Want to "Give His Wife the Checkbook"

I consider it a core duty of this blog to publicize hilariously pathetic public manifestations of complete asshattery (asshaberdashery?) wherever they are found. Fortunately, America always obliges by offering me ample material with which to practice my craft.

Today's gem comes to us courtesy of Maine Governor Paul LePage. 

For those who might not be familiar with the fine work of Maine's 74th Governor, Paul LePage took office in 2011 and since then has best been known for the following acts of statesmanship: Vindictive and record-high use of the veto power; blatant nepotism; refusal to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. Day; commenting that the worst thing about BPA-laden plastic is that it gives women "little beards" when they microwave it (and then vetoing a bill to ban the substance--kinky!); removing a mural in a state office building depicting Maine's labor movement because businesses didn't like it; calling his own state employees "corrupt bureaucrats"; declaring the enforcement of federal health care reform "the new Gestapo"; commenting that reading the Maine newspapers is like "paying someone to tell you lies"; noting that "President Obama hates white people"; and complaining that his political opponents were trying to "give it to the people without Vaseline," apparently implying that they were fucking Maine citizens up the ass sans lube. 

There is much, much more, but we don't have all day.

According to The Maine Beacon (ostensibly one of the aforementioned lie-peddling Maine newspapers), this past Wednesday night the porcine politician added insane misogyny to his impressive dossier of attributes. 

In criticizing a citizen initiative intended to strengthen Maine's public campaign finance laws, he said: "That's like giving my wife my checkbook. I'm telling you, it's giving your wife your checkbook." 

M'kay.

Eliza Townsend, executive director of the Maine Women's Lobby and a supporter of the ballot measure called Governor LePage's "attitude toward women, toward relationships, and toward money so dated as to be bizarre." With all due respect to Ms. Townsend though, I totally relate to Governor LePage's dilemma.

See, every time my husband gives me the checkbook, I flip through it to take stock of my family's financial picture in light of my full-time salaried job as a government bureaucrat. I then refuse to give it back, for fear that a check might be written for a new guitar amplifier, power tool, or stereo component. I wouldn't want the man who takes care of my children all day long--and who necessarily makes less money than me because all the time he would otherwise be working, he is earning thousands of dollars in imputed income in the form of savings on prohibitively and punitively expensive out-of-home childcare--to have any fun toys.

But hey, I'm no Paul Krugman. I'm just saying I'm not sure Governor LePage realizes that the only thing anyone other than old ladies at the grocery store uses checks for anymore is to send distant relatives modest amounts of belated, afterthought birthday money.

I'm also not sure whether First Lady Ann LePage agrees she can't handle the responsibility of the family checkbook. But assuming she can't, I have a suggestion for what she should do the next time hubby slips up and gives it to her: Write a $10,000 retainer to the best divorce lawyer in Maine. 

Oh--and make sure it's a woman.

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