Monday, October 12, 2015

If I Don't Do a Lot of Fall-Like Things and Document Them Extensively on Social Media Then Fall Never Happened

Fall is here and there is something I need you to know: If I don't do a lot of fall-like things and document them extensively on social media, then fall never happened, and fall needs to happen because everyone loves fall and I am good at fall. 

Here are the things I am doing with/without my spouse and/or children that I must document extensively on social media in order for the experience to have officially occurred:

1. Jumping in a giant pile of leaves with my children.
2. Wearing big sunglasses and squinting into the autumn sun.
3. Dressing in fitted plaid and/or a bulky sweater over skinny jeans and knee-high boots.
4. Going for a hayride.
5. Picking apples and displaying them in a barrel.
6. Picking pumpkins.
7. Comparing my toddler to a large pumpkin for scale.
8. Making/drinking mulled/regular cider.
9. New England.
10. Generally re-enacting substantial portions of L.L. Bean's fall 2015 mail-order catalog.

Fall is that last happy time of year before the deep, dark, depressing vortex of winter sets in and it's my last chance (before Christmas and sparkly snow-time, at least) to show the world what a season (in this case, fall) should look like by doing fall-like things and carefully curating pictures of those fall-like things for display on Facebook and Instagram. 

See, fall is like a tree falling in the forest--or more accurately, a brightly-colored leaf falling off that tree in the forest: if you don't document it on social media and someone doesn't like or comment upon your fall, then fall never happened, and fall needs to happen, because fall is awesome and I am good at it.

Now admit that you just read this and got a teeny bit mad and defensive because you just did this exact thing and think I'm making fun of you a little bit. Well, you're right. I am. But I am also making fun of myself, because I too feel that nothing--including fall--is real and actually happened unless and until someone likes it on Facebook, or at the very least, Instagram.

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