Tuesday, September 22, 2015

#AskJared&Jacob?

I think we need a new meme called #AskJared&Jacob. 

Maybe someone's come up with this already. This is where we find out what Jared Rutledge and Jacob Owens--owners of Waking Life Espresso in Asheville, NC who were recently outed as misogynistic pickup artists and who apparently have some serious game--REALLY know about women. 

These questions are taken straight from the horses' mouths. OK. Ready? Let's DO THIS. 

1. Where does "the sweet D" go?
(a) In "the tender V" since 2013.
(b) In your hand since yesterday for the rest of your lives.
(c) Nowhere near any woman who knows how to use the Googles or interwebs ever again.
(d) Both (b) and (c).

2. Where will you be donating your coffee shop's profits over the next months?
(a) A rape crisis center.
(b) Anywhere but a rape crisis center.
(c) A crisis P.R. firm.
(d) Both (b) and (c).

3. What is a "plate?"
(a) Something that you "fucked in a garage next to your business."
(b) Something you eat dinner off of.
(c) Part of the earth's crust.
(d) All of the above.

4. How do you write a believable public apology?
(a) By not trying to validate other people's feelings that you lack the authority to validate.
(b) By lacking an economic incentive to apologize.
(c) By not doing the thing that prompted it in the first place.
(d) By not making it exceedingly obvious that the only thing you're actually sorry for is getting caught behaving like the scumbags you so clearly are.

5. What is "hospital sex" with a "drugged" woman in California like?
(a) Weird.

(b) Really cool.
(c) Strange.
(d) Illegal maybe.

6. What's the best thing about "a late thirties MILF?"
(a) Slamming body for her age.
(b) Interested in beta comfort and stability.
(c) Abusive exes.
(d) Complex human being who gave life to other human beings and whose actual struggles you don't have the first fucking clue about because you're still complete infants yourselves.

7. What letter of the Greek alphabet best represents your current status among the female gender?
(a) Alpha.
(b) Beta.
(c) Gamma.
(d) Omega.

8. What can "mediocre skinny girls" do to make a "massive difference?"
(a) Be sweet.
(b) Be submissive.
(c) Be feminine.
(d) Continue to publicly shame you and other misogynists like you on the internet so that people don't stop talking about the shit you pulled and the damage that you did for a really long time.

B-T-DUBS: I posted this quiz to their business' Twitter account, so I'll let you know a breakdown of these bros' scores, kinda like the "breakdown of all their lays." J&J: if you're reading this, better STUDY UP, cowboys! Come on. Women everywhere (not to mention the whole Manosphere) are waiting for you to drop some more "red pill" science.

Asheville Coffee Shop Owners Secretly Ran Misogynistic Pickup Artist Podcast, Blog 

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for this wonderful post. Best thing I've read yet about these donkeys.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A sincere apology would have included a donation to a rape crisis center for100% of their profits "since 2013", whey they started putting the syphilitic D in the sometimes-conscious V in the first place.

    ReplyDelete