Assclowns everywhere were forced to genuflect last week before their bold leader, New Jersey Governor and greasy-salami-stain-on-the-cocksack-of-humanity Chris Christie, after he proposed tracking immigrants in America "the way FedEx tracks packages."
Governor Christie did not offer details on how precisely he plans to emulate the global courier delivery service in the context of immigration reform; only that he would consult with its CEO, Frederick W. Smith, about how to replicate FedEx's method of scanning a bar code on each package at every step of its delivery.
Before rolling out this wonky piece of policy reform (rivaled only by his competitor Donald Trump's plan to build the Great Wall of China between San Diego and Mexico), the Christie camp considered several other options, a list of which O.H.M. has obtained through a Freedom of Information Request.
A true and correct copy of that document appears below: