Saturday, July 18, 2015

This is the Answer to Everything!

I had a eureka moment this morning in which I figured out the single solution to the world's two biggest and most intractable problems: (1) Donald Trump; and (2) climate change. Both can be solved simultaneously with a one-word solution:

Pluto!

Stay with me now. The Donald fancies himself an intrepid venture capitalist and entrepreneur. Planet earth is boiling to death by the minute. And just this week, mankind secured its first-ever look at that maybe-a-planet-maybe-not-a-planet 9th icy rock from the sun.

We are a mere technological hop, skip, and a jump away from sending that human-toupee hybrid on a one-way mission to colonize and develop Pluto for humanity when the earth finally gets too hot, dry, and crowded to live on anymore.

Think about it. 

Who better to save the human race than the one guy who already knows all the answers to everything and has got the combover to prove it? And who also happens to be someone who is currently making earth abjectly miserable for everyone who has to look at his face and hear his voice?

Let's send The Donald to Pluto. He can build a whole giant gold plated ice castle modeled after his own dick, and mint a new currency from Plutonium for use in his network of intergalactic casinos while he continues to develop the dwarf planet for future habitation by actual human beings, a.k.a. future illegal immigrants.

Problem solved. You're welcome, humanity!


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