Wednesday, July 29, 2015

How to Eat Out Anywhere in Juneau in 20 Easy Steps

Eating out in Juneau is a unique experience, and everyone who lives here knows that it's also--more often than not--a primer in "what-not-to-do-from-a-food-service-perspective." 

Everyone who lives here knows this and talks about it, but until now (as far as I know), no one has blogged (in good fun, in good fun) about it. For all of its wonderful traits, our community is a bit lacking in the food service department, as I know having myself spent many of my tender years working in that industry.

I love and patronize all of our local food establishments and am grateful for their existence, BUT (you knew there was a but)--and without naming names--all too often this is what happens anytime you eat out--anywhere--in the 2,217 square miles that is The City and Borough of Juneau:

1. Enter 75% empty establishment.
2. Wait 20 minutes.
3. Look around for someone--anyone--(Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?) who (a) appears to be working; and (b) does not appear to be stoned.
4. Ask for a table and a menu.
5. Wait 20 more minutes.
6. Get a table and a menu.
7. Wait 20 more minutes.

8. Order something.
9. Wait 20 more minutes.
10. Get something that's different from what you ordered.
11. Politely send it back with arguably-not-stoned server.
12. Wait 20 more minutes.
13. Get the thing you ordered.
14. Eat the thing in 10 minutes.
15. Ask for check.
16. Wait 20 more minutes.
17. Get check.
18. Notice something wrong on check and repeat steps 15-17 above.
19. Wait 20 more minutes.
20. Finally sign your check and leave.

I'm FAR from a high maintenance eater-outer, so I find this all more amusing than anything else, really. Juneau, AK: Where you might as well say to your server: "Seat me when you want, give me what you want, charge me what you want, and take as long as you want to give it to me---because that's what's gonna happen anyway!"

Bon Appetit!

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