Thursday, July 2, 2015

Donald Trump Needs a Lesson on the First Amendment

A few days ago, I did a post about Donald Trump's prospective career options in the highly unlikely event that America fails to elect him to an office previously occupied by the likes of George Washington, F.D.R., and Abraham Lincoln.

It now appears my advice to The Donald was premature, because I should have added "Constitutional Law Professor" to the list. The only obstacle here is that The Donald needs to know a few basic facts about the First Amendment before Stanford hires him as a faculty adjunct.

Here's the context.

A zillion and one businesses are racing to distance themselves from this "noted asshole's" racist comments about Mexican immigrants being drug dealers, rapists, and criminals, because their CEO's are starting to realize that racism and dollars mix about as well as Ebola and a big, wet, sloppy tongue kiss.

Univision--the largest Spanish-language TV network in America--usually broadcasts Donald Trump's Miss USA Pageant. But last week, Univision said vete al carajo! to The Donald's annual 'ho stroll because--DUH--he more or less called their entire audience initiated members of MS-13.

But that's not the best part. The best part is what The Donald's spokesbitches think the First Amendment requires. Here's what Camp Donald had to say in response to Univision's big Adios!:
While Univision claims its decision came solely in response to comments by Mr. Trump during a June 16, 2015 campaign speech announcing his candidacy for President of the United States, the decision was, in reality, a politically motivated attempt to suppress Mr. Trump’s freedom of speech under the First Amendment.
SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For serious. 

There are not enough exclamation points in the life of a keyboard to adequately express the depth of this sigh. Where do I even start with this? Let me keep it simple, because The Donald's comb-over acts as a sieve through which smarts leak out on the daily.

Let's start with the fact that we have three branches of government in America, not four. It's the executive, the judiciary, and the legislative. Not the executive, the judiciary, the legislative, and the Univision. And guess who has to comply with the constitution? Ding ding ding! The government!

Last time I checked, Univision is not a government actor and therefore CANNOT FUCKING SUPPRESS ANYONE'S SPEECH UNDER THE FIRST AMENDMENT. I mean, how hard is this to understand?

See? I've just dropped some science on The Donald that it cost me a quarter of a million dollars in student loans to obtain. You're welcome, Donald! 

Now go watch that School House Rock "I'm Just a Bill on Capitol Hill" cartoon on some network that you haven't alienated yet. After all, a basic understanding of seventh grade civics is (generally) a prerequisite to running America.

A Comprehensive List of Everyone Trying to Sever Ties With Donald Trump
Photo: Gawker.com.

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