Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Braveheart for President!

Today, The Donald sank to a new, primordial soup-level low. He had his unfrozen caveman lawyer defend him against marital rape allegations with the following 5 words of Sherlock's logic: "you can't rape your spouse."

Um ... well, yes, actually you very much CAN rape your spouse, because at least in 2015,"put a ring on it" does not automatically translate into "stick your dick in it." But who am I to argue with a lawyer? (Answer: another lawyer).

Unless of course you're in medieval Scotland and exercising the "right of prima nocta." That's where a conquering band of barbarians has first (and obvi nonconsensual) dibs on brides in the other barbarians' harem. This is what happened to fellow douche bag Mel Gibson's boo in Braveheartand it hit him right in the feels. Like enough to make him really mad and put on war paint that turned him into the doppelgänger of Willie Nelson dressed up as Papa Smurf for Halloween. 

But back to 2016. 

This is awesome news for The Donald (and America), because if The Donald vanquishes Hillary, that means he has the God given right to get it on with Bill! And that is something America simply MUST see: two rich, wizened old womanizing megalomaniacs having rough and scary sexy times ala Braveheart.

Braveheart for president!


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