Monday, June 15, 2015

I Wonder if I Give the Correct Type and Quantity of Fucks?

I've written before about the importance of being selective about what fucks you give and to whom in this life, particularly as a woman. One of my all-time favorite discerning fuck-givers is the comedian Amy Schumer, as described in this piece by Emma Gray in the (oft-maligned by me) Huffington Post

Someone shared Ms. Gray's funny article with me today, and the gist of it is that giving ZERO fucks is unrealistic and deadening, and women should embrace the need to give SOME fucks about things that matter. Ms. Gray pronounced Amy Shumer "the queen of giving all the fucks," and I couldn't agree more.

It made me wonder whether I give the correct type and quantity of fucks, and how to realign my priorities so as to maximize fuck-giving about things that matter and minimize fuck-giving about things that don't. 

For this exercise, I've divided my fuck-giving into the following three categories: (1) fucks given; (2) zero fucks given; and (3) fucks reluctantly given, but trying hard to give fewer fucks.

Let me be perfectly clear: you should give ZERO fucks about someone else's fuck-giving prioritization, including mine. This is an FYI only and you should give zero fucks about this entire post! In fact, you should also give zero fucks when someone else tells you what to give a fuck about, including what I just said in the preceding sentence. This is getting rather meta, but you catch my drift.

With that said, here are my fuck-related priorities. I found this to be a useful exercise, particularly with respect to the third category in which I was forced to admit that fucks are given where they should not necessarily be.

  • Professional ethics and doing a good job for my clients.
  • Doing pro bono legal work for people who can't afford it.
  • Speaking out against bigotry in its many insidious forms.
  • My kids being considerate and relatively polite human beings with good character and a healthy sense of physical and emotional self-preservation.
  • Showing up for my friends, keeping their confidences, and offering them meaningful insights.
  • Being a good daughter to my parents.
  • Spelling and grammar.
  • Being a good role model to young female professionals I encounter at work.
  • The health of the planet.
  • Anticipating needs and helping people without being asked first.
  • That my blog might be too outspoken and/or self-revealing for some people.
  • People going off on me in a Facebook or Twitter feed.
  • Nursing in public.
  • People treating me with implicit or explicit sexism.
  • What other people think about my parenting style or decisions.
  • What my house/car looks like.
  • What people think about the reversal of gender roles in my marriage.
  • Most material possessions.
  • My physical appearance.
  • Being excluded sometimes.
  • Being vulnerable.
  • Other people's general opinions of me.
  • External validation of any kind.
  • The contents of my alumni magazines.

1 comment:

  1. AMEN sister. I feel like I need to print your no-fucks list and keep it on the dashboard of my shitty, busted-up car.


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