2. Crumpled Tissue: Sit on a bench with your knees spread slightly apart and elbows on your knees. Wait for your children to run over and wipe their noses and mouths on your sweatshirt.
3. Leaning Garbage Can: Stand upright with one leg in the car, one leg out, and one arm outstretched. Wait for your children to hand you cheese stick wrappers, empty apple sauce pouches, and half-eaten granola bars.
4. Lotus Armchair: Sit in the lotus position and breathe for ten seconds. After ten breaths a child will sit in your lap.
5. Dampened Towel: Sit on your knees with your forearms in the bathtub. Breathe and wait for water to splash all over your clothes and for a wet child to climb from the tub and affix him or herself to your body, completing the soaking series.
6. Junkie's Pose: Curl up in the fetal position and allow a thin stream of drool to dribble out of the side of your mouth as you breathe deeply and repeat "whathaveidonewhathaveidone" over and over again.