Monday, May 4, 2015

Outside Magazine: Juneau is a Top 64 Finalist for "Best Town in America"

Someone recently alerted me to the fact that Outside magazine has named Juneau one of 64 finalists for 2015's “Best Town in America.” I just voted (for Juneau, duh), and I see we are currently several hundred votes behind Hilo, HI. Well Juneauites, it’s time to kick Hawaii’s sun-kissed ass. 

I'm not saying I can't think of 64 things about Juneau that blow serious chunks of halibut chowder, but that is not this list. Here are 64 reasons why Juneau should must be crowned Outside magazine's Best Town in America 2015!

1. You can kayak to work.
2. You can skiff to work.
3. You can bike to work.
4. You can run to work.
5. A sunny day in Juneau is like great make-up sex with your asshole boyfriend/girlfriend.
6. There’s a state office building unofficially named after SPAM.
7. You can legally whip a titty out.
8. 5 words: Lemon Creek Breeze-In Chicken Tacos.
9. You never know if a store will be open, even during business hours.
10. People argue over whale sculptures.
11. People argue over fluoridated groundwater.
12. People argue over parking structures.
13. People argue over roads.
14. People argue over dog crap.
15. People argue over raw goat milk.
16. People argue over snow machines and ATVs.
17. Birthday party etiquette often requires zero presents.
18. Spontaneous beach fires after work.
19. “Orcas in the channel!” calls and posts on social media.
20. “Humpbacks in the channel!” calls and posts on social media.
21. “Northern lights over the channel!” calls and posts on social media.
22. “Costco has some new random item on sale!” calls and posts on social media.
23. Skiing in the rain.
24. Skiing on an island in Juneau “powder.”
25. Skiing down your driveway.
26. Competitive adult sports that let you harness your inner 12 year-old.
27. Eagles in your garbage.
28. Bears in your garbage.
29. Ravens in your garbage.
30. Global warming on full receding glacial display.
31. Spring kings.
32. Trails abound.
33. Berries abound.
34. Puddles abound.
35. Musicians abound.
36. Artists abound.
37. Bars abound.
38. Trees abound.
39. Ferries.
40. Friends with boats.
41. Friends with crab pots.
42. Friends with baking and cooking skills.
43. Friends with cable.
44. You learn to appreciate a decent tomato.
45. You learn to appreciate a decent avocado.
46. You learn to appreciate . . . you get the idea.
47. Palmeini with a buzz on.
48. The Brewery.
49. It’s hard to get here.
50. You need to leave sometimes. Like, badly.
51. You can get internet famous for 15 minutes by flirting and exposing nipples.
52. Endless amusement courtesy of legislative hijinks and shenanigans.
53. A Neil Diamond impersonator performed here.
54. Chick Corea played in the high school auditorium, on the high school’s piano.
55. The NRA and a preschool had dueling fundraisers on the same night across the street.
56. The glacial soil is kind to cilantro, peas, carrots, and a few other things.
57. Harrison Ford came here once and it was front page news.
58. Cruise ship docks high and unsecured enough to make you value life.
59. Not one--but two--1970’s throwback, half-vacant shopping malls.
60. Everyone gives and receives a standing ovation. For everything!
61. Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef was like, “There’s no safe for my jewelry? Really?”
62. 45 and partly cloudy is great weather.
63. Newly legalized weed (you know, if you're like, into that sort of thing).
64. The rest of AK loves to hate on Juneau: Vote for the underdog!



4 comments:

  1. Hilo is technically on the rainy side of the Big Island, but otherwise valid points, especially #64. Although I skimmed the brackets and saw Houston, TX, and Tampa, FL. Really Outside? Your poll is invalid.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, some of the regions really had to stretch for candidates, methinks.

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  2. There's a Breeze In in Lemon Creek?

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