Friday, May 29, 2015

I Spoke Too Soon! Facebook Has Reached a NEW Low in Advertising!


Someone (or something?) named Candy Smaile is selling me "the one and only formula that makes a man feel an almost impulsive." I didn't watch the video, so I never learned "the magic words" (Open Sesame? Abracadabra? Oh Yeah Baby Do it To Me?), because I was too busy laughing at the use of "impulsive" as a noun. 

I had to wonder what exactly is IN the unique formula that "makes a man feel an almost impulsive." Now, I don't know the precise ingredients or their proportions, but I'm pretty sure they include: the famous Farah Fawcett nipple poster; a 16 oz. bottle of Jergens; and a tube sock. This product advises that should your man feel an impulsive lasting more than four hours, he should consult a medical.

And then there was this:


You know hip-hop culture has jumped the shark when a woman is fist-bumping her Febreeze plug-in air freshener. UNLESS, she's using it to deoderize her living room from all the chronic she was smoking with her gardening club. Next, she's going to pour some Proseco out on the hardwood floor for her girls doing "Beach Body Boot Camp" at Curves all week long.



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