Although I've never watched so much as a single episode of Mad Men, I've come to understand that I'm really missing out because it was a Very Good Show and a Very Important Cultural Phenomenon and the fact that it has ended is Very, Very, VERY Big News.
At least for Slate, which readers of this blog know that I hate with a deep and abiding passion, and yet can't stop reading.
The series finale of Mad Men (and the show in general) is so important, in fact, that I would give anything for even just one more article about it, especially if that article appears in Slate.
Articles like "Why Did Don Finally Stop Running?,"Did Everything Have to End Quite so Neatly,?" "Mad Men Stuck the Landing," "Does Don Draper Believe in Love?," "I Wish Mad Men Had Depicted Women in the Workplace With More Subtlety," "What Did Mad Men Really Tell Us About American History?," and "How Will Mad Men End?" just don't feel like enough, somehow.
Not at all.
I would walk to the ends of the earth if it meant an entire section of a major online newspaper could be devoted to this television show. I need more articles about Mad Men. Articles like "Watch Don Draper's Kodak Carousel Project," "Mad Men's Silliest Moments," "The 10 Greatest Shots in Mad Men's Seven-Season Run," and "Man Men's 'Leonard' Describes That Hug With Don Draper."
Oh, the humanity! It's not enough! I need still more from Slate.
I need answers to the questions "How Do You Make Don Draper Cry?," and "Is Don Draper Worth It?" I need foreign language lessons like "A French Canadian Analyzes the French Dialogue in the Latest Mad Men Episode," and of course, who could forget the always-highly-anticipated "Mad Men Zinger of the Week?"
I need to hear from "Mad Men's Elizabeth Reaser on the Waitress, Auditioning for the Part, and the Fan Reaction," and I need to hear "Mad Men Boss Matthew Weiner Explain the Premiere." I need to know whether "This Mad Men Recap Made With Facebook is the Only One [I] Need," and "How George Lois, '60s Ad Man and Art Director, May be the Real-Life Don Draper."
All of this is essential information, but it's also wholly insufficient.
I also need the challenge posed in "We Found the Huge Reveal in the New Mad Men Teaser. Can You Spot It?," and I need to "Watch This Parody Combining the Worlds of Mad Men and X-Men." "I need to read "He's Moving Into Whose Office?! Time to Revisit the Don Draper Death Watch," and I definitely, definitely need the ground-breaking anthropological analysis found in "Peggy, Shirley, and the Flowers on Mad Men: American Race Relations in a Nutshell."
For you see, only more articles in Slate about Mad Men can complete my sense of cultural proficiency, and indeed my entire life.
Yes, it's clear as day. I desperately need just one more article in Slate about Mad Men.