Monday, April 13, 2015

With Oil Prices Declining, It's Time to Turn to Fortune Cookies

Those of us who live in Alaska are acutely aware of declining oil prices and what that means. It feels like the phrase “with oil prices declining” is used in at least 80% of grim, dire news articles these days, rivaled in frequency and tone only by the phrase, “in the wake of 9/11.”

But I think “with oil prices declining” is also well-placed at the beginning of any fortune cookie parable, and doing so might just make all of us feel like we’re not actually royally fucked “with oil prices declining.”

So cheer up, Alaska! Let's try these on for size, based on real fortunes inside actual fortune cookies:

With oil prices declining, there's no greater pleasure than seeing your loved ones prosper.
With oil prices declining, if you have something good in your life, don’t let it go!
With oil prices declining, now is the time to try something new.
With oil prices declining, the greatest risk is not taking one.
With oil prices declining, you will conquer obstacles to achieve success.
With oil prices declining, if winter comes, can spring be far behind?
With oil prices declining, fortune favors the brave.
With oil prices declining, stop wishing and start doing.
With oil prices declining, conquer your fears or they will conquer you.
With oil prices declining, you are the controller of your destiny.
With oil prices declining, failure is the only opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
With oil prices declining, you will have a pleasant surprise.
With oil prices declining, the object of your desire comes closer.
With oil prices declining, you will soon witness a miracle.
With oil prices declining, love is as necessary to human beings as food and shelter.
With oil prices declining, poverty is no disgrace.
With oil prices declining, a new business venture is on the horizon.
With oil prices declining, instead of worrying and agonizing, move ahead constructively.
With oil prices declining, lend your money and lose your friend.
With oil prices declining, there is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you.



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