Holy shit you guys. Yahoo! News has reported on some mind-blowing new scientific research, and this time, it does not appear to be an April Fool's joke. No sir. This time, Yahoo! offers its usual click-bait on a far-reaching international study finding that "this harmful experience" can lead to clinical depression later in life.
Good God. What the fuck is it? I have to click on the link immediately to find out. Whatever it is, I cannot do it to my children. Especially since all sides of our family going back 146 generations suffer from clinical depression and anxiety, and at least 80% of us are currently on psychotropic drugs just to keep from pulling the individual hairs out of our heads one at a time.
What could it be? Wait for it . . . It's CHILD ABUSE! Wait. WHAT!?
Over a three-year period, this breakthrough study reached the shocking and nearly inconceivable conclusion that people who were already genetically predisposed to clinical depression were even MORE likely to develop it if their parents or caregivers locked them in a cellar and/or a hot car; whipped them with belts; punched them in the head; screamed at them that they were worthless pieces of shit just like their daddies and would never amount to anything; left them alone with nothing but saltines, Skippy peanut butter, and a broken Nintendo during a three-day meth binge; and/or let Uncle Bad Touch come over every other weekend and read them a night-night story starring his dick and halitosis breath as the two main protagonists.
Nope. Psychiatry and social work will never be the same in the wake of this study.
All kidding aside, I don't think I could continue to write this blog absent the daily inspiration that Yahoo! News provides. Thanks Yahoo!