Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Five Categories of Rejection

Ah, rejection. We've all experienced it. Some of us more often than others, and to varying degrees. Well, I'm pleased to report that I excel in nearly ALL of the five core categories of rejection.
 

1. Romantic: This is probably my strongest category. Countless prospects have handily rejected me over the course of my ignominious romantic history. From the guy in Montana who yanked his hand away from mine like I had hand-herpes, to the "friends" who thought I was OK to fuck once in awhile (usually while drunk or on drugs) but not good enough to bring home to Mama, to people who chose to date my frienemies in lieu of me, to the slews of un-returned phone calls and emails, my performance in this category was unequivocally phenomenal, and I have no choice but to award myself an A+.
 

2. Familial: This is my weak suit, but I'm handicapped by the numbers. Being an only child with a small extended family, I simply haven't had much occasion for feuding; I'm blessed with sane and rational parents and two cool first cousins, among others. Still, my dad ignored me periodically, and my mom worked 24/7, all of which amounted to some level of rejection. So I guess I would give myself a C- here.
 

3. Social: Another solid category, especially in my younger days when it was de rigeur for me to not get invited to parties; have people be my friend one day and hate me the next; and generally act too cool to give me the time of day from age 5 to 15. My performance in this category weakened somewhat in later years, but was offset by my success at subsequent romantic failures. So on average, I'd have to give myself an A- in this one.

4. Intellectual/Professional:
My performance here is sort of the reverse of the social category, in that I was a weak performer in intellectual rejection until about age 18, when math and science became too hard and I got into two of twelve law schools I applied to. A slew of difficult bosses who made me cry and whom I never satisfactorily told off reconciled with leaves me at a B- in this category.

5. Virtual: I didn't realize what a strong performer I was in this category until tonight, when I stumbled upon a feature on Facebook that lets you see all of your outgoing friend requests that have been pending forever and that the recipient has clearly ignored. I had amassed quite a collection of these, to say nothing of those people who have evidently/probably unfriended me on Facebook or unfollowed me in my short time on Twitter. I promptly exacted my revenge by undoing all of these pending/ignored virtual overtures, and I am certain that each and every one of these people felt the sting and wrath of my rescinded friend request. (In a double-whammy, one of these was the guy who acted like I had hand-herpes)! So I'd give myself a B+ in this category.



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