Monday, April 27, 2015

That Not-So-Fresh Feeling

Once again, Facebook's ad algorithm appears profoundly interested in my lady parts. I have now been subjected to ads for Carefree [Panty] Liners, K.Y. Jelly, granny panties, and now something from a company called "Madame Noire" that promises to "protect [my] fresh."  

I didn't click on this for fear of prompting further such ads, so I can't reveal to my readership the true "15 shocking causes of feminine odor."  Nor did I realize that my "fresh" was a noun-object worthy of protection. 

But now I do realize that, so I'm just going to make up what I THINK are the 15 "shocking causes of feminine odor."

1. No penis in or near vagina.
2. Vagina smells like a vagina and not like a whispering pine lily
3. Woman is wearing pants.
4. Woman has a vagina.
5. Penis is too small, allowing odor to escape (where is my FB ad for Extenze for Men?)
6. There is too much hair on/near/around the vagina.
7. It's a vagina.
8. Woman just went for a run in spandex.
9. Woman has failed to buy a mysterious product sold by Madame Noire.
10. Madame Noire's definition of "fresh" is not the same as evolution's definition.
11. Vaginas are super gross. Duh!
12. Changing the word "fresh" from an adjective to a noun.
13. Most men think vaginas smell bad and you better do something about it now.
14. A distinct absence of orchids sprouting from the vagina.
15. Self-hatred and misogyny. 

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