Wednesday, April 1, 2015

I Will Break the Internet With This!

This story is so completely awesome, that I had to give it the photo-essay parody treatment. 

A beautiful, young, rich couple (a model and an extreme athlete) blew up the internet this week by posting photos of their travels all over the world documenting their fabulous exploits. They show us "what a fairytale relationship looks like," with a zillion pictures of their hot, young, muscular, tan, bodies climbing cliff faces on tropical islands, kissing puppies, flying in helicopters, massaging each other's footsies, and my personal fave, this shot of them licking each other's tongues next to a surfboard in Hawaii:


photographer-model-surfer-couple-travels-world-jay-alvarrez-alexis-ren-19

As the linked article points out, "it's easy to get caught up in the envy of seeing a young and beautiful couple enjoying a life where money clearly isn’t a problem, but that’s not the point. Their photos and videos should inspire all of us to make the best of whatever we have while we can, which is something they’re clearly very good at. The money certainly helps, but even without it, love and adventurous spirits like theirs will do much to provide you with a beautiful life."

Well now. 

These two haven't seen the likes of One Hot Mess, because I'm about to school the internet in what it's like to live a REAL LIFE FAIRYTALE!! Peep this, bitches!
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Where you inadvertently buy a too-small, polyester Elsa wig from Amazon that looks like a wounded albino beaver . . .


And sort teeny, tiny Lego pieces all day so that you don't step on them and break your toes in the night  . . .


Where you (or technically your husband) makes a dinosaur birthday cake and a gluten free option . . .


And you have to get knee surgery after falling while skiing on the bunny hill . . .


Whether you're dressing up like Mrs. Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman for Halloween under duress while responding to a "crisis" at work . . .


Or scrolling through screen-shots of your daughter's creations from the "Barbie's Fashion Closet" ap on your phone . . .


Or laughing at this with the maturity of a twelve year old boy . . .


Or comparing your son to Luke Skywalker . . .


Or desperately trying to make heads and/or tails of a school calendar that looks like a losing game of Tetris . . .


Or letting your kids swim in ice . . .


Or allowing an inter-generational hair salon to be established in your basement . . .


Or letting Sarah Palin touch your baby in real life . . .


Adventurous spirits like these will show the whole internet what it's REALLY like to be living the dream!

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