Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Donald Trump's Lost Twitter Sharts

That living, breathing, wet diarrhea fart of a real estate mogul Donald Trump's Twitter account sharted out the following tweet the other day, and it’s caused a bit of a fifteen-minute P.R. kerfuffle for the repulsive, megalomaniacal real estate mogul. 

The 140-character bon mot in question said:  “If Hilary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?” 

The Daily News reports that this damp, squishy, turd of a tweet was "'retweeted by one of 10 staff members' who handle Trump's social media. 'As soon as Mr. Trump saw the tweet, he deleted it,' said the rep."

Uh-huh. Right.

This begs the question: what other shart-tweets that Donald Trump totally disagrees with inadvertently made their way into The Donald's Twitter feed without his knowledge?  O.H.M. speculates that a serendipitous screen shot would have grabbed the following:

  • "I've lost track of the number of wives I've failed to satisfy. Need refill of Viagra prescription."
  • "The G.O.P. can suck my gold-plated dick. Only this "Just for Men" dyed ginger comb-over will make America great again!"
  • "Just found Obama's real birth certificate! My underlings had misfiled it with my release papers from psych ward. Whoops!"
  • "Running out of orange liquid foundation and bronzer. Just sent Ivanka to Sephora to grab some."
  • "Taking suggestions of name for my next building. Top 4 contenders so far: Trump Hall, Trump Palace, Trump Manor, and Trump Trump."
  • "If half my business ventures are in Chapter 11, what makes me think I can save the U.S. economy?"
  • "Good thing I have so much money. Otherwise no woman would ever touch my shriveled-up junk."
  • "S.E.C. investigating me again. Time to divert some $ to junk bonds. Long live the '80s!"
  • "New porcelain veneers look great! Now I can open up my shart hole with even more confidence!"
  • "New season of The Apprentice airing soon. Must manufacture celebrity feud to help with ratings and promotion."
  • "First order of biz when I get to White House: re-paint it gold and re-name it Trump Palace D.C."
  • "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks."
  • "All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me--consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."
  • "According to Bill O'Reilly, 80% of all the shootings in NYC are blacks. If you add Hispanics, that figure goes to 98%. 1% white."
  • "I do own Miss Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty."
  • "The beauty of me is that I'm very rich."
  • "BTW: THOSE LAST 5 SHARTS ARE THINGS I ACTUALLY SAID--NOT SOMETHING O.H.M. MADE UP!"

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