Big Internet Advertising Brother is watching, because he knows exactly how much I love my period, tacos, and lunch, in that order. Never mind that I haven't used (much less purchased) a panty liner since I was 15, preferring instead on those "lite" days just to wear black or red underwear and let the proverbial chips fall where they may.
He also knows that I hate old lady words like "purse," "moist," and "slacks," so he is trying to sell me a hip new panty liner for 25 year-old taco-eating models (not fat old ladies!) whose focus group edited out the word "panty."
Finally, he knows that I "order what I want" and "own it," and he knows I think that's "fierce." Because pretty much the fiercest thing you can do is to order a rather suggestively symbolic taco on a light day of your period, lift it up to your face with one emaciated arm, and shove it in your guacamole hole while looking like a super model.
I would finish this blog post, but I just felt an inexplicable urge to go out and buy a box of Carefree [Panty] Liners. Fortunately, my favorite greasy taco place in town also sells period supplies. I need to feel "fresh" immediately!