Thursday, March 12, 2015

Why Your Personal Brand Sucks Balls (Alternate Title: You Could Use Better Messaging)

Here at the public relations consulting firm of Douche & Dipshitz, we pride ourselves on innovative solutions and creative marketing strategies to help develop brand identity for our clients.

We've researched this thoroughly, and what we've found is that you could really use better messaging.

Specifically, you need some tweaks to your primary and secondary messages in order to better connect with your target demographic. More specifically, you need to update your outgoing voicemail messages on your work and cell phones.

Your outgoing voicemail message is the face of your unique brand! It's the first thing people hear when they call and you screen (or in the case of your work phone, "idivert") their asses.

You need to ask yourself: what's the ask? What do you want people to take away from interfacing with your outgoing voicemail messages?

Like right now, for example, your work voicemail says you're out of the office until Monday. But it's already Tuesday! It's so important to stay one step ahead of market trends, and Monday is so last week.

You also sound a little nasal and it's pretty obvious you recorded and re-recorded both your "standard greeting" and "alternate greeting" until you thought your voice sounded moderately normal and both outgoing greetings contained all the necessary and current information.

Well, let's just say this: they do not. Your messaging needs some pretty extensive massaging, and we'd be happy to work with you on that.

As to the secondary message of your outgoing cell phone voicemail, well, it's been the same, bland, "Hi, I can't pick up the phone right now" outgoing message since you qualified for a free upgrade at the AT&T store 18 months ago. That's an eternity in the 24 hour news cycle and our media saturated environment! You need to re-brand yourself at least once a month.

Your primary message should be simple and clear, and your secondary message should really sort of build on your primary message.

So your outgoing work voicemail greeting should be less garbled and more accurate, and your outgoing cell phone voicemail message should support your work voicemail by adding a more personal note and perhaps something a little more casual.

Why not let the PR professionals at Douche & Dipshitz help you unpack these issues a little bit by using their cutting-edge performance metrics and exclusive industry contacts to improve your messaging? You could really use it.

As for your contacts, well, let's circle back offline and talk about cleaning those up next week.

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