Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Stars Have Aligned!

The blogging gods must have overheard my recent themes of collagen, female masturbation, and bizarre plastic surgery, because they have brought me new information--conveyed through a friend who does research in this area--that combines all three.

I pity the fool who has never heard of...drum roll please...THE G SHOT! Here's how "Dr. 90210," the creator of this ingenious procedure, describes it:

"The wildly controversial 'G shot' is an injection of a quarter-sized dollop of human-engineered collagen through the vaginal wall into the urethral sponge, the spongy tissue surrounding the urethra.

Developed and franchised by Dr. David Matlock of Dr. 90210 fame, this procedure must be redone every few months. According to Matlock's Web site, and unpublished data, this injection results in 'enhanced sexual arousal and sexual gratification for 87 percent of normal sexually functioning women

At long last, there is a single procedure to remedy the trifecta of horrendous deficiencies in women's collagen, vaginas, AND orgasms! Women who have had this procedure report spontaneous orgasms in the middle of downward facing dog at yoga class, right there in their Lululemon leggings!

So the results are "unpublished. " Ok. So the procedure has to be "redone" every few months. And? So what? Isn't it worth it for a shot (pun intended) at a spontaneously orgasming collagenous vajazzle? I would TOTALLY risk being in the 13% of women for whom this procedure fails to re-create the diner scene in "When Harry Met Sally."

Just when I thought that a bleached perineum, labiaplasty, and permanent eye color change was enough, Dr. 90210 has delivered a "dollop of human-engineered collagen" injected right into my urethral sponge wall (whatever that is) so that I can go into full porn star mode every time I hop on a bicycle!

I have exactly two words for the "G Shot," summed up in this vanity license plate that I spotted in a parking lot today.

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