Saturday, March 7, 2015

O.H.M. at The Movies: E.T.

I have a really terrible memory for movies, and for fiction in general. Like really and truly God awful. The plot, characters, and central conceit of most films and novels exit my brain stage left almost before they're even over.

Geoff is the opposite, with a nearly photographic memory for fiction. He loves to quiz me on popular movies and books, laughing uproariously as I flounder around helplessly trying to describe them.

He suggested that a good feature for O.H.M. would be me trying to do this in writing: in other words, recounting the plot of a popular movie without resort to the Internet or any other source, just to see how little I actually remember about these things.

So for my first (and possibly only) selection, I've chosen E.T. This is honestly all I remember about E.T., accurate or not:

Steven Spielberg directed this 1985 film about a little boy named Elliot who wears a red hooded sweatshirt all day and night. Drew Barrymore has pigtails. Somehow, an alien who resembles a human ovary with eyeballs and a red finger lands in their backyard looking like a pile of squashed earth worms mixed with burnt Funyuns.

The kids secretly take him in and nurse him back to health, during which time various shenanigans ensue.

Reese's Pieces get scattered all over the carpet in what turns out to be the first official product placement in a movie. At one point, Elliot is riding a bike in front of the moon and he and Drew are dressing E.T. up in clothes from their mom's closet.

E.T. keeps saying "phone home" over and over again. At one point you think he's dead, and everyone is sad and crying. But then he comes back to life and goes back to his home planet.

Towards the end I peed in my mom's lap despite being 8 years old, and my grandmother pronounced the film "too loud" and also complained about the price of a movie ticket these days.

I don't think those last two parts were actually in the movie, but I'm not sure.

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