By that count, I am now missing 7-14% of my collagen, so I am putting out an APB/Amber Alert for my MISSING COLLAGEN.
Please SHARE as I am desperate to retrieve this large percentage of my youth:
Have you seen my missing collagen? It looks like this (under a microscope):
Also answers to "structural protein," "triple helix," and "fibrous and insoluble gelatinous substance." At least 7 and as much as 14% of my collagen was last seen in the vicinity of all over my fucking face seven years ago before I started to look like the lovechild of Bea Arthur and Angela Lansbury thanks to what I think can accurately be described at this point as "collagen flight."
My collagen is whiteish tannish brownish reddish and mushy (I think?) and can be a little skittish when approached. But I'm desperate to get it back and I'm offering a large cash award to the first kindly person who tracks it down for me.
7-14% of my collagen: if you're reading this, please come home to my chin, forehead, eyes, and "expression lines" where you belong, and I promise I will never bake you in the sun again.
Everyone else: please keep 7-14% of my missing collagen in your prayers and call 1-800-SHITIMOLD with any tips.