Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Convos With Technology

My iPhone

My iPhone: This iPhone hasn't been backed up for 21 weeks ...
Me: So? I haven't taken a shower for three days!
My iPhone: Look at this red number ... address this little red number ...
Me: Wow, I really don't want to do that right now. Let me go look at pics on Facebook ...


Facebook: Buy some K-Y Jelly. Mark Zuckerberg said so.
Me: No ... all I want to do is look at pictures of babies and see if anyone liked my blog post from earlier today.
Facebook: Find out what is trending. Hint: It's Kim Kardashian.
Me: No ... I really need to do some work ...

Facebook: Wait, wait. Don't do that. Look at this linked slideshow of wood piles from Bored Panda! Or perhaps I can interest you in this really depressing news story ...?
Me: No ... I really need to open a zip file now ...

My Computer

My Computer: This computer has been locked and can only be accessed by the registered user.
My Computer: The username or password is incorrect ...
Me: Bong.Hits.For.Jesus.420?
My Computer: The username or password is incorrect ...
Me: bonghitsforJESUS420?
My Computer: The username or password is incorrect ...
Me: Fine. The zip file wasn't meant to be. Let me go check how broke I am instead ...

My Bank

My Bank: Please enter your username and password.
My Bank: If you have forgotten your username and password, please enter the name of your mother's first pet iguana.
Me: Woody Allen?
My Bank: I'm sorry, that is incorrect. Please enter the numbers pictured below to prove you're not a robot.
My Bank: I'm sorry, that is incorrect. Please answer the Riddle of the Sphinx.
Me: I can't even read this stupid fucking thing! No robot could read this. I promise. Also my Greek mythology is rusty.
My Bank: What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the aft--
Me: Forget it. I need to spend money on iTunes now. Especially since I have no idea how little money I actually have. Thanks a lot, Bank  ...


iTunes: a;sljdlfkkkkkkkk;wwioeurasad;lhgajgla;jdsrupwioighhj;ajriujl ifyoudontclickagreewewillcomeforyourfamily. Click agree.
Me: Agree.

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