Wednesday, January 14, 2015

An Open Call for More e-Acronyms

Life is about more than just OMG, LOL, BRB, FML, FWIW, and IDGAF. I haven’t done my homework, so I’m not sure if any of the following exist, but I think we should all deepen our pool of online and text acronym memes.

To that end, here’s my starter kit of eight new obscure e-acronyms. Again, these might already exist, but I am intentionally not checking. All the better if they do, as far as I’m concerned.

Let’s get these off the ground, people!

AYFS: “Are You Fucking Serious?”: For when you seriously cannot believe what’s being suggested to you/told to you/asked of you.

Friend #1: The boss just said no one is getting Christmas off this year.
Friend #2: AYFS?


KMN: “Kill Me Now”: A close cousin of FML. KMN is for those situations when certain death seems preferable to whatever it is you’re doing or about to do.

Friend #1: Did you remember to do your taxes? It’s April 14.
Friend #2: No. KMN.


PMP: “Pissing My Pants”: For when you’re really scared, laughing hard, experiencing sneeze/cough-induced incontinence, or any combination thereof.

Friend #1: There is a ridiculous amount of pollen out today.
Friend #2: I know, I am sneezing so hard I am literally PMP every ten minutes.


LGDI: “Let’s Get Drunk Immediately”: For when you need to get drunk immediately.

Friend #1: Did you hear there was just another insane terrorist attack?
Friend #2: Yeah. LGDI.


SOF: “Something’s On Fire”: For when something is on fire and you have to go put it out. Can also be used metaphorically, e.g., the day after you eat a really spicy curry and have to spend half the day on the can.

Friend #1: How was dinner last night?
Friend #2: Sorry, gotta go. SOF.


WADB: “What a Douche Bag”: For when you need to clearly identify a douche bag.

Friend #1: Did you hear that one of the Koch Brothers is coming to speak on campus?
Friend #2: I know. WADB.


STHBB: “Sadder Than Honey Boo-Boo”: For when something is incredibly depressing, i.e., more depressing than the TLC reality TV show “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.”

Friend #1: Did you hear that a baby panda died at the National Zoo today?
Friend #2: No! That is totally STHBB.


TWSS: “That’s What She Said”: For when you need to instantly turn a sentence into a sexual innuendo.

Friend #1: I need you to do this through some back channels.
Friend #2: TWSS


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