Monday, December 1, 2014

Life Hacks for the Office Mom

Note I do not say "working mom," as Lord knows, every mom is a working mom. But some moms have to get a little dressed up for work in an office and that can be a hassle. Accordingly, I present to you O.H.M.'s Top 5 Life Hacks for the Office Mom (with complementary crazy-person selfie):

1. Use a hair dryer as an iron when the clothes are already on your body. This serves the dual purpose of eliminating the most obvious wrinkles AND warming you up in winter.

2. Wear the same pair of black pants every day. Use Fabreeze to freshen those babies up. (It's only a TEENSY bit carcinogenic). Glaring white toothpaste stains? Nothing a little spit can't take care of!

3. No tissues in your desk drawer or in your purse? No problem. Keep a couple of pairs of your kids' socks on hand. They do the job just as well, if not better.

4. Shower the second you get home from work as a means of procrastinating the transition into child care mode. Ingest first (of at least three) nightly cocktails immediately before entering shower. 105 degree water really kicks off a buzz.

5. Eat every single meal standing up, and as fast as possible. Dr. Oz and foodie douches like Michael Pollan will advise against this, but just ask Michael Pollan if he's ever wiped another human being's asshole in the middle of a meal. No.
I didn't think so. 

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