1. Adam Levine: This greasy frontman from Maroon 5 (a.k.a. the worst band ever to strike a chord of music) in his mid-late thirties has a celebrity fragrance and bonked a series of Victoria Secrets Angels before settling on one who is 24 years old and has the word "hottie" as part of her actual NAME.
2. Kimye: The author of a 1,000 page selfie photo collection and the coiner of the phrase "Ima letchoo finish Taylor Swift" got married and had a baby named North West. The end.
3. Bret Michaels: See prior post titled "Paean to Bret Michaels"
4. Rush Limbaugh: This porcine, human incarnation of a pulled pork sandwich is sure to prompt scintillating conversation at any Thanksgiving with his deliciously awful brew of racist, sexist, homophobic, and all around socio-politically vile vitriol.
5. Gwenyth Paltrow: Someone who tells everyone that they need to do hot yoga with a personal trainer every day and put a wood burning pizza oven in their backyard while doing weekly juice cleanses. Because clearly, everyone can do that so easily! It's simple! (see prior post titled, "Simple.").