Wednesday, November 19, 2014

A Day of Conflict, in Nine Haikus

Morning

Why every morning
Do you fight with me so much?
I am your mother!

Fuck you bathroom scale!
Your number is a cruel joke
All about that bass.

I need coffee now.
There is not enough on earth
To keep me awake.

Noon

Is it lunch time yet?
No, it is just ten thirty.
I’m fucking starving!

Please no more emails
About pledge drives and pot lucks.
Someone just sued us.

Holy fucking balls!
It’s almost time to go home.
I’m scared of my kids.

Night

Why is this so hard?
It’s only three hours ‘til bed
But feels like three years.

Please take a bath now
Your crotch smells like a sewer
How can you not care?

Give me Benadryl
And a stiff vodka gimlet
Sweet blackness of sleep.

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